I was driving in the car one afternoon with my son Patryk. The sky was bright and sunny, it was one of those days everything seemed to be going smoothly. We had so many days that were unexpectedly changed in an instance due to Patryk’s unexplained health issues. Normally I would get this feeling when things were about to go wrong right before they actually did. I was usually right about my intuitions even though I did not want to be. On this day I did not have any ill feelings and felt happy, until I was shocked, speechless and moved by my four and half year old.
This adorable little voice from the back of the car asked me “Mommy when can you pray to God?” I replied with a smile on my face “anytime you want Choo Choo(his nickname).” He continues, “So can I pray right now?” My answer was “Yes sweetie!” In that instant he closed his hands together melting my heart and bowed his head. What came next I did not see coming…
“God, please take my pain away from my body, thank you, Amen”…Wow! What do you say to a four and a half year old that just prayed for his pain to be removed from his body. I just told him that God is always listening to our prayers and remained stunned. I did not even think he was having pain that day, which was just like Patryk to never complain or show how much he was hurting. Till his last breaths when he asked if he could just play PlayStation. His joy and spirit for life was overwhelmingly beautiful.
Looking back on this day, this memory has truly helped me cope with losing him. My son was in pain, more than myself or any doctor could comprehend. Now I find peace with knowing his prayer was answered. The pain he had was nothing I could heal with all my love and care. The doctors did everything they could think of and now God has chosen to step in. I can not change that his life ended at such a young age, but I can be grateful he is not in pain anymore.
Most parents who lose a young child ask that one question to themselves, why? Why my Child?! This quesion I do not ask myself and here is why. There is no question in my mind that our health nor our time on this earth is promised, God knew this child’s fate before he placed him in my arms. Knowing this child would suffer and live a short five years, yet God choose me to care and look after him. This makes me feel like the luckiest person on earth. Why? You may be thinking, the alternative is I could have never met Patryk or had the honor of being his mom. Even worse he could of ended up with a family that did not care for his needs. God knew I would be there for Patryk and bestowed upon me the greatest gift of my life, I’m thankful everyday for this, for him always!
The impact my son has left on me is one I can not explain in words. I struggle more than I let it show because I want his memory to be more important than my pain. After all, that’s what he taught me. No matter how much we are going through we must shine on. Boy did Patryk shine! He is my inspiration, my strength and my best friend that I miss deeply everyday.
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Your story has brought tears to my eyes. Knowing the pain you feel hurts me to. I ask everyday why Chris and never really thought of it the way you do. Thank you for your story it has made me think a little harder about why. I hope someday to feel like you do and be able to stop asking why.
Mush love to you
Sue
Thank you Sue!!! Your thoughts always matter so much to me! We both have that unwanted connection of understanding for each other!
Even in the midst of our limiited understanding, God is there, with His plan. Thank you for sharing your heart. Heaven is a very full place, can’t wait to be there. Hugs, sweetie.
Thank you Kate! How perfectly said! 🙂
Thank you for sharing that memory. It more than brought tears to my eyes. Patryk was and is a very special part of my heart. He was a beautiful soul. And he was very lucky to have a wonderful mommy like you. Til we meet in heaven…
What a beautiful story of love between a mother and a child. God knew you would be the perfect mommy for Patryk. Trina thank you so much for sharing your heart so openly. I love seeing how God is using you through this sad time in your life. You have been such an inspiration to me as you pour out your heart in your writings. You are the definition of what a mommy is!
Wow!!! Thank you Diana! That is such a compliment! I don’t know what to say other than thank you! Being a Mom is the most important thing in the world to me!
This grabbed my heart… very touching story. Just shows what an amazing mom you are that you raise your son to know God and know the power he has to take away the pain.
Great work trina! 🙂
Thank you so very much Tiffany!
I am so sorry about your loss…. brought tears to my heart…. sending a virtual hug!!! xoxo
Thank you! 🙂
After reading your post, crying while reading it, I wanted to say that your thankfulness touched me deeply. I cannot imagine the pain you live with everyday. I know that God didn’t want this for you, the bible says “the thief comes to steal, destroy and kill”… But how you turn your lost into praising and thanksgiving for the five years you had with your son – you are shining brightly for Jesus. I can say I share the body of Christ with incredible people, you being one of them. You are a gorgeous lady but your heart even more precious. I bless you with a long life with your husband and children. I wish you your hearts desires and sending you a big hug… Keep shining for Jesus! Thank you for sharing and your fillet of pork was delicious!
Thank you Andree Ann! That means so much! 🙂 happy to hear you enjoyed the pork tenderloin as well.
I was searching for a pork loin recipe when I came across your site, and let me just say I am glad I did! Thank you for sharing your story of love & faith!
Thank you for your kind words virginia! Happy to hear you enjoyed! 🙂
Wow…I began looking for a pork tenderloin recipe, but was swept up with your inspirational story and a lot of tears. God is so good. It is so comforting to know that life on earth is only the beginning to an amazing eternal life in heaven with our Father who loves us more than anything. Your story is so touching. May God bless you each and every day.
Thank you, that means so much Krista ♡ God bless