I was driving in the car one afternoon with my son Patryk. The sky was bright and sunny, it was one of those days everything seemed to be going smoothly. We had so many days that were unexpectedly changed in an instance due to Patryk’s unexplained health issues. Normally I would get this feeling when things were about to go wrong right before they actually did. I was usually right about my intuitions even though I did not want to be. On this day I did not have any ill feelings and felt happy, until I was shocked, speechless and moved by my four and half year old.
This adorable little voice from the back of the car asked me “Mommy when can you pray to God?” I replied with a smile on my face “anytime you want Choo Choo(his nickname).” He continues, “So can I pray right now?” My answer was “Yes sweetie!” In that instant he closed his hands together melting my heart and bowed his head. What came next I did not see coming…
“God, please take my pain away from my body, thank you, Amen”…Wow! What do you say to a four and a half year old that just prayed for his pain to be removed from his body. I just told him that God is always listening to our prayers and remained stunned. I did not even think he was having pain that day, which was just like Patryk to never complain or show how much he was hurting. Till his last breaths when he asked if he could just play PlayStation. His joy and spirit for life was overwhelmingly beautiful.
Looking back on this day, this memory has truly helped me cope with losing him. My son was in pain, more than myself or any doctor could comprehend. Now I find peace with knowing his prayer was answered. The pain he had was nothing I could heal with all my love and care. The doctors did everything they could think of and now God has chosen to step in. I can not change that his life ended at such a young age, but I can be grateful he is not in pain anymore.
Most parents who lose a young child ask that one question to themselves, why? Why my Child?! This quesion I do not ask myself and here is why. There is no question in my mind that our health nor our time on this earth is promised, God knew this child’s fate before he placed him in my arms. Knowing this child would suffer and live a short five years, yet God choose me to care and look after him. This makes me feel like the luckiest person on earth. Why? You may be thinking, the alternative is I could have never met Patryk or had the honor of being his mom. Even worse he could of ended up with a family that did not care for his needs. God knew I would be there for Patryk and bestowed upon me the greatest gift of my life, I’m thankful everyday for this, for him always!
The impact my son has left on me is one I can not explain in words. I struggle more than I let it show because I want his memory to be more important than my pain. After all, that’s what he taught me. No matter how much we are going through we must shine on. Boy did Patryk shine! He is my inspiration, my strength and my best friend that I miss deeply everyday.
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