Children of divorce shouldn’t be fought over, they should be fought for…
Have you ever found yourself wanting to give up, but something keeps pulling you forward? Maybe there have been moments in this world where you swore that you can not endure one more intense waive of emotional stress or you might collapse. Then some how out of your exhaustion and daily stress you find this strength that is not gone, but temporarily hidden by all the surrounding chaos that is weighing on your soul. Confession, I’ve felt this recently. The pressure of being a single parent, to provide for my children, continue my dream job, all while fighting to this day to give my children what they need and deserve.
Since the day Maxwell was born I went to bat for him. He is the kid who comes equip with his own personal hurdles. Anxiety is paralyzing for him at times and on top of that all he is now in a divorce dynamic. As you all know, with divorce comes separation of parenting time. This decision to leave my anxiety ridden child who depends on me so much was the hardest thing I have ever done. Divorce is the hardest thing that I have ever choose to do. I do not say that lightly, the things my children and I endured leaving our family home were stories only those around could imagine. My beloved friends and close family who saw on a daily basis what it was like were left baffled. I fought hard for my children, every step of the way keeping their safety and health as my main priority. I prayed a lot, cried hidden in my closet, and I was terrified. The decision I had to face was no easy feat, to stay where I was would only damage my children further. They needed me to be strong, but there were times I questioned if I was going to make it out at all.
There are major flaws in the court system. The rights are completely in the parents favor and I see the arguments that people have pertaining to that, but on the other side there are children suffering. In the court system to prove abuse or mental health issues is damn near impossible. Even with proven evidence, the children will most likely end up back with that parent at some point. Now, the children have no rights and until they are teenagers are forced to go with their parent even if that parent has abused them. Can you imagine a young child kicking, screaming, crying and pleading not to go with someone who has hurt them? Imagine for a minute that there is nothing you can do, feeling forced legally to place a child in a state of fear and anxiety. Thus allowing the cycle of abuse to continue, this is what many parents face everyday.
Most recently it was court ordered that my children be allowed to have video chats with me once a day. This is so vital in my fight for them while they are enduring things I can not control. Now, I can be there to say good night, I love you and continue to be a constant in their life. You may be thinking, why is this a big deal having a phone call, well communication was cut off at times for days. My children returned home in distress, crying and begging for me. Prompting myself for the first time post divorce to head back to court with out an attorney. After using every last ounce of financial resources, fighting for the children’s well being and safety, the divorce ended in bankruptcy. Do I regret it, no, was it terrifying, yes! To fight for my children caused a complete financial collapse, but I ask you, wouldn’t you do the same? This time I stood in front of the judge with out an attorney, ready to plead for my children’s best interest and I thank God for this huge small win. To ease my children’s anxiety in any way is worth the battle.
My sweet baby girl Katia, she is so brave and smart. Maxwell is silly and strong willed. I hope and pray they use all of their strengths to guide each other through life in times of my absence. I promise and vow to continue to seek justice for all that my children have endured. Most importantly I will never give up on them, I will fight for their safety and health until my last breath. I’ll fight the serious stuff and know when to pick my battles. For example, this picture above, “Mommy, can we please go back to get our stuffed animals for the pictures?” YOU BET!
Max and Kati, I will fight for you, whether it’s a phone call you need, a kiss, a hug or something much more serious. Forever and always my babies you will be!
